


Tachi agatte to, te wo kasu kara (Get up, for I'm extending my hand)

by vogue91



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-25
Updated: 2018-10-25
Packaged: 2019-08-07 11:09:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16407353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: I'm in love with you.I thought we could be something more than friends...I realized I feel something for you.Yuuyan, I love you.The more he thought about it, the less it made sense.





	Tachi agatte to, te wo kasu kara (Get up, for I'm extending my hand)

 

_I'm in love with you._

_I thought we could be something more than friends..._

_I realized I feel something for you._

_Yuuyan, I love you._

The more he thought about it, the less it made sense.

He was determined.

He had been knowing Takaki Yuya since he was eleven and the elder fourteen. It had been seven years, and Chinen had grown tired of it.

He had grown tired of leaving clues and hints that were never going to be understood.

He had always deemed himself a spoiled brat, he had never demanded to be better than he actually was.

He was never the one who had to ask.

He said a few words, and then he waited.

With Yuya wasn’t different than with the others. He just needed to say half a word, sometimes even just look different than usual, and the elder tried to give him anything he asked for.

Except for what he wanted the most, apparently.

He had always known it wasn’t going to be easy, that Takaki lacked any form of cunningness, that he didn’t catch those undertones in his attitudes telling him he wanted something more.

But it had been going on far too long, and Yuri started wondering whether the elder just pretended he didn’t notice, or if he actually mistook his constant attentions for something normal.

But it _wasn’t_ normal.

It wasn’t normal for Yuri to always look for him, it wasn’t normal the way he craved physical contact, it wasn’t normal the way he looked at him. Nothing was normal and nothing ever seemed to hit Yuya deep enough to understand what was going on.

And Yuri had never been so patient his entire life, but that had its limits too.

When that afternoon the elder asked him to stay and help with the new choreographies, he didn’t think for a moment to say no.

He smiled and nodded.

It wasn’t time to leave it unsaid anymore. He needed to put him with his back against the wall and make him face the truth, whether he liked it or not.

It was time for Yuri to finally know what Yuya was thinking, because conjectures, doubts and illusions had worn him out.

This time, there was no way Takaki was dodging the uncomfortable talk.

 

~

 

There was something off.

When he had asked him to help him with the choreography, Yuya had thought Chinen was ready to ask for something in exchange.

The fact that he had accepted straight away, confused him.

And so it did the patience Yuri was showing with him, the way he explained the steps, calm, without his usual impatient sounds and that haughty look he normally had at times like these.

Not that he minded, on the contrary; he was always hesitant when asking Chinen for help, and when he decided to do so it was just because he really needed it, because he was the one more indicated to help... and because, no matter what he asked for, he hardly ever refused.

“Yuuyan?” he heard the younger call. He came back to himself, raising his eyes on him and smile at his curious expression.

“What?”

Yuri rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“You’ve gotten lost, as usual.” he chuckled, and Yuya got his guard on again.

Chuckling wasn’t like him. He got annoyed, usually. He complained, usually. He told him it was pointless for Yuya to ask for help if then he didn’t focus on the steps and the choreography.

“Chii?” he asked, while the younger grabbed a bottle of water and drank. “Is there something wrong?”

Chinen closed his eyes, a motion so quick that he thought he had just imagined it.

And it looked like he was drinking a little too much, as if at the same time he was trying to think about how to answer.

He shook his head, feeling a tad too paranoid.

“Why would you think there’s something wrong?” the younger asked, arching his eyebrows in an innocent expression which looked plainly wrong on him.

Yuya smiled and walked closer, flicking his forehead.

“Come on, Chii. You’ve accepted to help without asking for anything, you didn’t tell me I'm hopeless and you didn’t even blink when you’ve had to explain the last steps five times for me to manage to do it. That’s not you, we both know that. Come on. Tell me what’s on your mind.” he said, trying to make him feel comfortable.

Chinen fell on the floor, crossing his legs and starting to twist his fingers.

Without putting pressure on him, Takaki sat next to him; he wasn’t tearing his eyes from him, curious.

He saw take a few deep breaths as if he was about to talk, but then he actually didn’t.

It was then that Yuya decided to speak again, to tell him that he didn’t need to know, if Yuri didn’t want to tell him.

But he made in only in time to open his mouth, when he caught a quick movement from Chinen, who had leant toward him, brought his hands behind his head and kissing him.

He froze.

He froze, trying to make a sense of it. Impossible.

He felt Yuri’s lips on his own, his fingers through his hair, his breath on his face.

He could feel all of this, but he couldn’t elaborate what was going on.

Nor why.

It took him a few seconds to react and grab Chinen’s shoulder, pushing him away.

He kept staring at him, his breathing uneven and a deep frown on his face.

The younger kept his eyes low, his fists clenched on the floor, as if he was trying to hold back a scream.

Then he slowly raised his eyes on Yuya, daring to get close again, this time making sure they weren’t touching each other.

Takaki tried to smile to him, for how little he felt like it right now.

“You’re too straightforward, Chii.” he murmured, his voice hoarse.

“I need to, because being indirect leads to nothing with you.” the younger replied quickly, his tone dangerously sarcastic.

Yuya kept quiet, thinking about his words and what he had just done.

He didn’t want to lie to himself; even though he had never thought about it, he knew Chinen felt something for him.

He had gotten that from the small things, from those little gestures, the way he always looked slightly happier whenever they were together.

And that kiss was just confirmation for what he had always refused to look in the face.

But the fact that he had been knowing, on some level, didn’t change his surprise.

“What do you want me to do, Yuri?” he asked, suddenly sounding tired. He got closer, without touching him.

The younger arched his eyebrows, on his face that mask he used to wear to mask his emotions, the one Yuya despised.

“Do you want me to tell you what to do, too?” he ironized. “I was clear. What I want is you, now all that matters is what _you_ want.” he said, accusatory.

The elder sighed.

Then he bit hard on his lower lip, while the distance between him and Chinen reduced and he felt their breaths blending.

He brushed his lips with his own, without knowing where to put his hands, without knowing what to do at all.

Nothing was clear in his mind, not yet.

He felt Yuri’s hands on his waist, clenching on his t-shirt as if he didn’t want to let him go now that he was so close.

He didn’t know why he had started kissing him again when he still didn’t feel sure.

When he realized the reason he pulled away from him, abruptly, as if his lips were burning.

“I'm sorry, Chii.” he whispered, his voice trembling.

Chinen had kissed him. And Yuya hadn't kissed him because he wanted to, because he felt something for him, but just for that instinct which always lead him to indulge him, to avoid disappointing him.

And it wasn’t the right reason to go on.

The younger looked at him horrified, without saying a word.

Yuya wished he would’ve screamed.

That he would’ve told him he hated him for that moment of delusion he had given him.

That he sucked.

That he would leave.

But he stayed there, looking at him, quiet.

That silence was the loudest sound Yuya had ever heard, and it was hurting like hell right now, just like the look on the younger’s face. Resigned, disappointed, embittered.

He leant toward him, brushing his arm and expecting Yuri to push him away, which didn’t happen.

“Chii... we can't. _I_ can't. I care for you, but...” he started talking, but the younger stopped him.

“It’s not important, Yuuyan.” he said harshly, then he seemed to calm down. “I’ve made my move and you’ve made yours. I should’ve talked about it instead of...” he hesitated. “Of acting. You’re right, I’ve been too straightforward. And I can't force you to reciprocate, right?” he added, standing up fluidly and getting away. “If you don’t mind, I’ll just go home. It’s late, and I'm tired.” he told him, and he was about to leave the rehearsal room, when he turned toward him again.

Takaki thought that a stranger would’ve missed it, but he couldn’t help seeing the melancholy in his eyes.

He got up, rushed toward him and hugged him, without thinking about the consequences.

He felt Chinen freeze between his arms, but he kept holding him nonetheless.

He wished he could’ve stayed that way forever.

In that silence, in that embrace, without having to think about what was going to happen to them.

But he couldn’t, and he knew that.

So he kept quiet and kept hugging him, holding to each of those moments where he had a right to do so without hurting him.

He was being selfish and he knew that. Because he was already hurting him.

He just hoped Chinen realized he wasn’t alone.

That the both of them were hurt.

 

~

 

He felt his arms around him.

They were warm.

And it didn’t matter that it was wrong, it didn’t matter that he should’ve hated Yuya right now, that he should’ve left and never looked at him again.

He needed that warmth.

He was the only person capable of making him feel like that, and he was the one who had just refused it to him.

A weird joke, making him fall for the wrong man.

It was Yuya he went to when he needed to talk.

It was Yuya he called when he didn’t want to be alone.

It was Yuya who always understood, who went beyond his attitude and saw what others ignored.

It had always been Yuya, and now he was letting the elder hold him because he knew already there wasn’t going to be any other hug except for his.

He had tried and lost. He didn’t know what was to come, but he didn’t care.

One thing he had never done, was take into account the fact that he could lose.

And now he had and he was clueless as to how he should’ve gone on, and the only thing he kept telling himself was that he didn’t want to.

He wanted to stay there.

Frozen in that moment, in that hug, in that silence.

That silence, which was both the loudest and the most beautiful sound he had ever heard.

He wished there could be no more words filling it, because he knew he wasn’t going to like them, that they weren’t going to be what he wanted to hear.

He convinced himself there wasn’t going to be anything else for him, after that hug.

And with this certainty he burst out crying, letting the one who had caused those tears soothe him.


End file.
